human, therefore no

by Rowan Lewis

supported by
Michael Bowen
Michael Bowen thumbnail
Michael Bowen There's just something about this. It gets me in the best way. Favorite track: Anchoring, Part 2.
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about

A sequel of sorts to 'soundiseverything'. Recorded from 2014 to 2015.

For Ollie, Micah, Marissa, and Dani. You're good friends.

An album about mortality, loss, trying to find hope (in places where it's all too rare), and losing friends. Also a terrifying, faceless nightmare creature.

Three bonus tracks when you download the full album B)

credits

released October 2, 2015

Music, lyrics, recording, and editing by Rowan Lewis.
The wonderful album cover art was designed by Micah!

Inspired by Marble Hornets, again, so a big thank you to Troy Wagner, Joseph DeLage, Tim Sutton, and everyone involved. You can support them at ww.thac.tv.
Additional shout out to the "#marble hornets" tag on tumblr!

tags

license

about

Rowan Lewis UK

I'm Rowan, aged 20, and a student from the UK.
I specialise in clumsy rhythm and strange analogies.

contact / help

Contact Rowan Lewis

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Safety
There’s no light in your face,
Usually there’s a trace,
Of deep thought, fear set free,
But now you’re just empty,
There’s no light in your eyes,
Since you fell from the sky,
How can I carry on
With this life that you brought me back from?

There is blood, to my despair,
Lifeless fingers, cold stare,
You and I were a pair,
Running solo again,
I have grasped onto life,
I’m not going back this time,
Why didn’t you tell me,
And why did you die?

Nothing felt worse that looking at your handprints on the stone,
Nothing’s replaced your presence in this battle I fight alone.

I rage a tempest on the leads which turn up nothing,
I’ve lost you and my way, but one day I’ll get something
From this silly little life, and hey, you brought safety to mine,
But you left, and I don’t want safety,
Yet you’ve probably managed to save me.
One man who thought he knew,
A way to always get through,
Playing tricks on the mind,
Thought that he’d won this time,

A man taken by the storm,
Isn’t that man anymore,
He’s roaming corridors and lies in wait for us all.

You left the clues, you signed yourself in red upon the floor
I chased it up, not fast enough, now what the hell am I fighting for?
I rage a tempest on the leads which turn up nothing,
I’ve lost you and my way, but one day I’ll get something
From this silly little life, and hey, you brought safety to mine,
But you left, and I don’t want safety,
Yet you’ve probably managed to save me.

Being held back from you,
A different dimension, too,
Play it back, but the truth
Is that you’ll never really move again.

Isolation means I’ve started to freeze,
I stand, a solitary figure with the keys,
To cars, computers, and denial, but not the resolution I require
But you left, and I feel like I betrayed you.
And I’ll never get a chance to save you.
Track Name: Empty and Opaque
I thought
That I was going to find you and not know what to say
I thought
That we’d be shaken up and broken, but we’d be okay

Like glass in a box
In the backseat of a car
We’ve smashed open
And lost important parts
I can’t put myself back together
Because I’ve lost the shards
I’m not sure what can fill the gap
That losing you made large

Do I
Still try to find you, when I know that you’ve gone?
Do I
live and run and carry on, from what I couldn’t salvage you from?

Like vases in the light
Standing empty and opaque
Used to be clear, but
A thin film of dust will take
Any transparency
Showing who we used to be
Can I travel back to then
So you won’t ever leave?

I thought
That you were most important, but you weren’t even mine
I thought
That those who kept me from you were better left behind

But I’ve made mistakes
And I don’t know if they can be undone
I wonder if forgiveness
Is something I can rerun
On a screen showing you and I
And that horrible look in your eyes --

Like fragmented glass,
You have to be handled with care
We’ve smashed open
Certainly beyond repair.

I thought
And nowadays I tend not to think
Track Name: Anchoring
There was a time when I wanted to stop, but I drew somebody in
And now they're drifting somewhere whilst I drift amongst my sin
I never meant to cause harm, only wanted simple truth
But now I must continue on, and see this whole thing through.

Another year has raged on but it's deeper than I thought
Time has passed in puzzles or a circle which has caught another
Lonely boy, then a lonely man, I wish I could help more
But we just end up hysterical, on a burnt, abandoned floor.

Change another tape, checking out again
Hit the road the same night, Jay, you'll stop running one day
Tim's the only thing, anchoring me here
I'm not giving in just yet, my dear
I haven't given in just yet.

I wanted to help, I badly did, but all those days are gone
And now my only mission is to somehow carry on
I tape another failure and I film into the night
I'm fueled by paranoia and the shadows in the corner of my eye.

Trying to escape, getting out again
Hit the road the same night, Jay, you'll stop running one day
Tim's the only thing, anchoring me here
I'm not giving in just yet, my dear
I haven't given in just yet.

I take your hand, say we've got to go, I never would have stopped,
But you told me to run and I can't tell if you are giving up
I thought I'd lost my only friend and didn't have a say,
That despair was overshadowed, when I watched you drive away.

Change another tape, checking out again
Hit the road the same night, Jay, you'll stop running one day
Jessica's the same, I'll find her someday
Hope is far away right now, but I think I'll be okay
Break another code, set your camera mode,
Viewing what the answer showed, and I see but I don't know
Crippled by the fear, of another year
Thinking about everything that's anchoring me here
I haven't given in just yet.

I haven't given in just yet.
Track Name: Song For a Weary Companion
Well you said, there's a lot to be thankful for
As I watched from the passenger door
You've lost weight, your eyes are rimmed beautiful red
But we're thankful, like you said.

So I can't help seeing, and I can't help feeling
And I can't help trying not to be too revealing
When the walls are up I am out of reach
But when they're down I use someone else's speech.

You're not broken, just a little bit chipped round the edge
Solid enough, but should be handled with care
And you're charming, almost too much for your own good
Flash a sad smile like I knew you should.

Because I can't help seeing, and I can't help feeling
And I can't help trying not to be too revealing
We'll get onto each other, know what makes the other
Keep fighting back.

We both know to apologise
For not being a part of our own lives
This shouldn't be what will define
Everything we leave behind
Sometimes, however, that's how things end
When you risk almost everything
To protect your mask
To protect someone you love.

Well you said, there's a lot to be sorry for
Hiding secrets, no more.
And we both keep, having nightmares and waking up cold
Let’s pretend we have it under control.

You’re better at planning, you’re more of a man
Braver than I’ll ever be, or already am
The things you went through without me are plastered online
I can’t help seeing them over, and over.

We both know to apologise
For not being a part of our own lives
This shouldn't be what will define
Everything we leave behind
Sometimes, however, that's how things end
When you risk almost everything
To protect your mask
To protect someone you love.

Well you said, there's a lot to be thankful for
As I watched from the passenger door
I can't help seeing, and I can't help feeling.
Track Name: Get Me
We’ve come so far
We don’t even know who we are
Nothing’s keeping you sane.
Even the light
Isn’t making this mess look right
Everybody else has been blamed.

Watching home videos that don’t seem real
All from a time when you could actually feel
Something other loneliness and fear-

Just you get me,
Because I’m not sure I’m living true
Because of you
I’m a stranger to myself
And you’re somebody else.

Plug me in
I’m static like a dead TV screen
Tell whoever’s left that I’m just resting.
Who have I become?
I’m still old enough to die young,
Let this stranger have their death wish.

Tall and dark with a featureless face
Being in the woods is like struggling in space,
You scream but nobody else can hear-

Just you get me,
Because I’m not sure I’m living true
Because of you
I’m a stranger to myself
And you’re somebody else.

No eyes, can’t try
To even begin to die
Masked man, director, tape collector
Which of us is worth protecting?
We’ve all lost, we carry on, yet
We all seem to be marionettes
In something beyond a college film
If I pass on, then it’s a mercy kill.
I’ve learnt how to travel alone,
and when I’m faced with you
I’ll laugh in your face.

Just you get me,
Because I’m not sure I’m living true
Because of you
I’m a stranger to myself
And you’re somebody else.

Just you get me,
Because I’m not sure I’m living true
Because of you
I’m a stranger to myself
And you’re somebody else.
Track Name: The Both of Us
A long ride ahead, isn’t so nice with one
Oh, I’ve left you behind, not sure what I should be saving you from.

And life’s never fair, not for me, anyway,
Lost all that can fix me, or else I would be back over there

Because you and I were a good team,
Whilst it lasted.

You’ve become too much of who I used to be
Except I still want you around, and no-one’s ever wanted me.

You fit, but you never quit,
It was safer whilst it lasted.

(The both of us)
Just two madmen and a flashlight
(The both of us)
Were doomed from the very beginning
(The both of us)
Never really had hopes of winning.

(The both of us)
Just two madmen and a flashlight
(The both of us)
Needed something to grab onto
(The both of us)
I never got that voice message from you.
Track Name: Anchoring, Part 2
I have severed all my ties, oh
I have taken to the skies
Hear the crack as I surpass the speed of sound
Feel the lurch of fear and freedom, hope
To god that I’m not leaving
But there’s nothing I can hope to cling to now, oh.

Years and years of nearer misses
Regurgitating useless wishes
Leave a bitter taste, on the tip of my tongue
It is fitting I should fly, when I have lived a lonely lie,
Derelict school walls; never learned my lesson.

Have you given up? Have you had enough?
Crawling in the dust, little bird, bloodied feathers, eyes blurred
Mad but meaning well, raised a little hell
Checking out, checking out, checking out-
And I wish you well.

Tapes are plastic, cold, and impressionable,
They are small, and hardly durable
My B-side is about to run out.
Had my casing ripped apart, a rewound head
A broken heart,
She’s long gone, and he’s moved on, I can understand that.

(Have you given up? Have you had enough?)

Have you given up? Have you had enough?
Crawling in the dust, little bird, bloodied feathers, eyes blurred
Cutting Tim free, he can’t trust me
Jessica got out early, to a certain degree,
Break another bone, losing thoughts of home,
Wish you could have called your house so you didn’t fly alone
After all this time, you still haven’t cried
I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die –

Checking out, checking out, checking out-
And I wish you well.

Checking out, checking out, checking out-
And I wish you well.

Checking out, checking out, checking out-
Saying my farewell.