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19 Demos

by Rowan Lewis

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1.
Handbrake 03:04
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What did I do wrong? I can’t fix anything without it What could I do better, baby? I’ve been losing sleep about it ‘Cos they say that love is a two way street But I’d rather you were going my way Holding on over the handbrake I would drain the seas Looking for a bit of meaning I’d pack all my things and run But you don’t even wanna see me Here I am, rooting for a losing team And taking the corners hard Holding on over the handbrake Holding on over the handbrake [instrumental break] (Can’t fix anything, can’t fix anything) I can’t fix anything without it (I’ve been losing sleep, I’ve been losing sleep) I’ve been losing sleep about it ‘Cos they say that love is a two way street But I’d rather you were going my way Holding on over the handbrake Holding on over the handbrake Holding on over the handbrake.
2.
These Weeks Aren't On Our Side 03:00
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The romance of a glittering streetlight Islands in a cup of tea We’re not in an eternal August No matter how much we want to be I hate to break it to you But all these weeks aren’t on our side When light autumn rolls around we’d better muffle any sound And hide What you gonna do with all this freedom What you gonna do with all this time How you gonna reach a state of being? Copulative without design I hate to break it to you But all these weeks aren’t on our side When thin autumn rolls around we’d better muffle any sound And hide And hide And hide Cheap thrills and priceless loving Stars plowing their way through the sky Temporary flashes of thick winter Dark spring primed to trickle by I hate to break it to you But all these weeks aren’t on our side When autumn rolls around we’d better muffle any sound And hide
3.
With Me Waitin' 02:30
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Sixty-thirty pavements Low light Treading through the remnants Of the previous night You take a drag Between brackets It’s such a pain to kick those Bad habits And you break a grin against the brittle air Gonna make it out there Gonna make it out there Gonna make it out Take note of nothin’ ‘Cos times are just the same Remember your manners Forget shame Dodge traffic In the metal maze And never stop teaching that Kindness pays That kindness pays That tenderness pays That handsomeness is found In the gentlest ways And you break a grin against the brittle air Gonna make it out there Gonna make it out there Gonna make it out And home is with me, waitin’ Home is with me waitin’
4.
Pull the Plug 02:18
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You’re about to learn why the live wire is the shortest Sparks in your direction and your every living thought its ‘Hope I don’t get shocked when I pull the plug’ When I pull the plug When I pull the plug Take a deep breath, little peppermint I know you get explosive when you’re shaken Punch out all the lights even though we’re still connected up That ripped out telephone cord is gonna trip you up You’re about to learn why the live wire gets clipped You’re about to see what’s happens when the casing gets stripped How can you be naïve about the way that things are shaping up? Take a deep breath, little peppermint I know you get explosive when you’re shaken Yeah, take a deep breath, little peppermint I know you get explosive when you’re shaken (Take a deep breath, little peppermint I know you get explosive when you’re shaken)
5.
September Rain 03:28
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Hit with a memory Hide from September rain So far away from the moment that locked itself in my brain Reading comics and playing guitar So many years ago Smile sweet and slow Picking some chords out Over some hero flick I try to get words to come but none of them seem to stick Wisecrack so that you strike back I was a stupid kid Didn’t expect it to work, but you did I am an adult I should know better now But I think of that awkward twilight and hysteria anyhow Cushioned laughter on my single bed I tried to keep my trap shut And I wish I could change my mind ‘Cos the memory’s never enough I remember I loved you I wonder if you liked me I hoped for big declarations of courage But life isn’t like TV I spoke a little too often back then These days I keep it all inside If it weren’t for September rain Then I wouldn’t have reason to hide
6.
View 03:03
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Nestled in shadow In meadows for beds To lay in this world Is a privileged rest The grasses which cradle us Are thousands of threads But I’d care less, it’s true If I couldn’t share with you. Stars hung in amber White sunset flashes Quick, make a wish Like on fallen eyelashes Watch how the sky turns in colourful splashes It’s easy to care In the moments you’re there. I turn and I face you Whole planets would swoon And history would sing If we gave it our tune Heart-tangled duets In a lone afternoon I’d be stuck on this view If I weren’t next to you.
7.
Brush 03:37
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Blankets down don’t make the ground hurt less It just softens the blow Twists and turns down bridleways Where no-one else around us ever goes Fall in step as our thumbs brush But the moment never seems to come Scrapes and grazes are currency here And we’re millionaires And I’ve heard fortune favours anyone Who dares Elbows touch and our thumbs brush But the moment never seems to come Brittle grass and the call of the wild Keep us coming back here Nature hates keeping secrets but I think we’re in the clear Nose to nose, our thumbs brush And the moment never seems to come Pollen stills in the air Your breath is terse And it’s thirty degrees But my face is worse The hour’s breaking its stride And it’s time to decide ‘cos our hearts are queueing So who’s gonna go first Your soft breath in my parting Oh, it softens the blow Honesty’s in reach but we can’t quite let go. Not yet bold enough Our thumbs brush And the moment never seems to come.
8.
Honour Amongst Thieves 03:16
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I’ve taken to the skies and flown in to my destination Knowing that the trip might be my last I’ve crawled deep underground and slipped on stone smoothed over by the ages Gigs like these, you’ve gotta learn stuff fast I’ve leapt from ledges madly and I’ve sometimes meddled badly But politics has never been my scene The emotion that I feed is only loosely linked to greed I’ve got insatiable curiosity So lead me into a gaping mouth of horror Tell me who believes That history can’t teach me to restore A bit of honour amongst thieves I’ve stashed myself on trains and ridden over country borders In pursuit of knowledge that’s no longer lost I’ve given up a trail and I’ve set myself up to fail Because sometimes a mystery isn’t worth the cost So come on, get up, arm over my shoulder Let’s leave in one piece My mouth screams youth but my morals just get older Hardened by honour amongst thieves I’ve cast eyes on the artwork of a stolen civilisation I’ve trod the pathways where no angel goes The glitter in my gaze is caused by ruins, risks, and graves Because the hidden places are where freedom grows So let me out into the unknown twilight And I’ll bring you back a key Code and star can take you pretty far But you’re going to have to translate me Yeah, lead me into a gaping mouth of horror Pull back the leaves The people here before us left clear clues that should taught us To have honour amongst thieves To have honour amongst thieves To have honour amongst thieves.
9.
Burn Bones 02:07
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Tonight we’re going full Death of the Author No-one’s ever gonna speak directly to me again Take note of the date File it away, let’s get this straight My personal interpretation Makes no difference But cuts me off You’re just a channel And I’m your loss After hours I get sick of smiling Don’t wanna put up my charade anymore So better look alive When I write, I might thrive I understand your journey but I’m not letting you drive Because it makes no difference I’ll cut you off You can’t be trusted And it’s reason enough Your art’s still good When it’s brick by brick But the institution hides Entire skeletons to pick And you can’t burn bones Yeah, you can’t burn bones Oh, you can’t burn bones.
10.
Treasure and Traps 03:52
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Duck under the ivy Pass through the trail Cut back the overgrowth Hunt for the Holy Grail Solve doorway riddles Slip through the cracks Living and breathing old air Treasure and traps [whistle] Combat and carnage Bodies and gold Protecting antiquities Take whatever you can hold Solve doorway riddles Slip through the cracks Beat back the smugglers Treasure and traps [whistle] On top of the world here Take my hand Bleeding fingers on a cliff face It’s all going to plan Solve doorway riddles Slip through the cracks I’ve got an affinity for Treasure and traps
11.
Bad Times Forever 02:49
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This is a song to sing On an out of tune guitar This is a song to come with you Wherever you are This a song to bellow When you feel like shit This is a song that’s gonna get me through it And these are lyrics That’ll fix me This is a song to thaw the chill in your bones For when the rain hits the window like thrown up stones This is a song to smooth over that sharp remark This is a song to sob over in the lonely dark And these are lyrics That’ll fix me Yeah these are lyrics That’ll fix me If I say it enough, I’ll remember That bad times aren’t bad times forever It doesn’t matter what the truth is, it’s in how you perceive it If I say it enough, maybe I can believe it These are lyrics That’ll fix me These are chords that embrace my soul This is a rhythm that’ll try it’s best to convince me These are words that can make me whole This is a song to sing On an out of tune guitar This is a song to come with you Wherever you are This a song to bellow When you feel like shit This is a song that’s gonna get me through it And these are lyrics That’ll fix me And these are lyrics That’ll fix me And these are lyrics That’ll fix me And these are lyrics That’ll fix me
12.
XIII 02:33
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I’m rough with fragile issues I’ve faced down all my fears Grimacing foot to foot I’ve scribbled out graffiti Heartbeat rushing through my ears Like an open-windowed fast car There’s nothin’ you can do to scare me Nothin’ I ent seen Nothin’ that can set me straight There’s nothin’ you can do to scare me I was once thirteen And it doesn’t get worse than that The only people in the world Who know the worst I know Are what’s left of a blood oath Holding wet hands I don’t wanna let go I don’t wanna let go, I don’t wanna let you go
13.
Wobbly Teeth 03:32
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Keep my trap occupied I crack a joke I sip a beer, I slip a smile I want a kiss, I want a smoke I want to whisper your name But that feels too loud I wanna be yelling your name But it don’t quite feel enough to shout Give it to me, ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come, gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue Ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue Can you watch what I say I’m just gonna sneak away Cover up your glass, babe If you’re not gonna stay (Please stay! Please stay!) I want to whisper my intentions But that feels too loud I wanna be paying more attention But my interest has dropped out Give it to me, ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come, gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue Ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue I never pretended I had volume control That kind of indiscretion’s printed on your soul And you’ll never figure out how to get your record clean ‘Cos it won’t be wiped when you hit eighteen Give it to me Ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come, gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue Ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue Give it to me, ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come, gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue Ooh ah, wobbly teeth I’m gonna come undone Ooh ah, biting my lip So I don’t have to bite my tongue
14.
Do No Harm 03:31
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He says he’s not the last man standing And if he was then he’d fall to his knees He says things like ‘I hate to see you hurting’ He says ‘please’ a lot I’m tired of being guided by the elbow By folk who have ideas of what I need I’m tired of losing my direction I’m tired of sleep You know what they say You know how it sits You gotta do no harm But take no shit You gotta do your best And take these chances Gotta stand up tall And reject advances Unless you can prescribe me something stronger He says that he won’t pry into specifics He’s sorry folk are drawn to mystery Surrounded by sad, clumsy, dull detectives Tryna solve me So when he asks, I try to drag the impulse Yeah, when he asks I look him dead on straight I tell him I want freedom, life to be like some Lou Reed song Where other people leave me to my fate But I gotta be patient, Gotta be calm You gotta take no shit And do no harm You gotta try your best And take these chances Gotta stand up tall And reject advances Unless you can prescribe me something stronger Yeah, unless he can prescribe me something stronger He says he’s not the last man standing And if he was then he’d fall to his knees He says things like ‘I hate to see you hurting’ He says ‘please’ a lot
15.
All One Sided 03:41
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It was a whim I’ve been unnecessarily hard on him He didn’t know, he didn’t know, he didn’t know Who needs a plan? I keep jumping with the expectations to land Who needs parachutes when there’s everywhere to go He finds all the answers to the questions that we didn’t raise It’s a good job I’ve been slowing up, these days It would’ve broke his heart To see me all one sided A life’s work in smoke If he saw the signs like I did It would’ve broke his heart Like it shattered mine Oh, it could ruin a man To keep looking where he thought he’d find I thought I’d said it I thought I’d misspoke a thousand times Not allowed, not allowed, not allowed I thought I’d said it Loudly implying where my heart lies But he’s listening now He finds all the dedication in our dated ways It’s a good job I’ve been slowing up, these days It would’ve broke his heart To see me all one sided A life’s work in smoke If he saw the signs like I did It would’ve broke his heart Like it shattered mine Oh, it could ruin a man To keep looking where he thought he’d find It would’ve broke his heart It would’ve broke his heart It would have broken his heart To know that it had broken mine It would’ve broken his heart To see me all one sided A life’s work in smoke If he saw the signs like I did
16.
Zirconia 02:30
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I lost my glasses To the space where all lost things will go I lost more than vision, you know It went on forever Couldn’t fumble my way through the blur Could only just remember who we were In these parts you go missing on the day that you are born And if you’re lucky, no one finds out why It doesn’t matter what you think that you’re deserving of We were not the lucky ones, my love
17.
Feelin' the Drain 04:21
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It never really goes away That feeling, of not being able to breathe It’s not necessarily A bad thing In fact I think that it’s survival That worry, eating away at my throat At the thought of something working out What if you don’t want to? What if people see? It’s not that I don’t like you It’s more that I don’t like me But sweetheart You drive me So pop the hood Inside this is sweet and it’s deep and it’s good Please reassure me I’m feeling the drain Something so much that it’s hard for my heart to contain It’s like, god, it sounds so stupid You’re worried, that someone you love’s gonna freak And you know they wouldn’t do that But you question And the simple things stick out Bumping elbows makes you feel so alive It’s morbid but you wonder if you’ve been Dead all along until now What if the world tells me That what I’m doing’s not allowed? I’m trying to bare my soul But I don’t feel very proud Oh, sweetheart You drive me So pop the hood Inside this has power and it’s strong and it’s good Please reassure me I’m feeling the drain Something so much that it’s hard for my heart to contain I’m tearing up My bones feel tight I’m so alive But not alright The endpoint’s so far out of sight I’m tripping up And making strides Whilst clutching at my splitting sides The best part claws its way to light You steer me Towards relief Inside I’m consumed by a personal grief Please reassure me I don’t know what to say Tell me it’s fine If I think that I’m gay And if the world thinks worse now Then that’s on the world, not me ‘Cos if holding a hand makes you mighty and free Then that has to be allowed Because it’s me who should allow it It’s like air, it’s like air, sweetheart, I can’t live without it You drive me So pop the hood Inside this has power and it’s strong and it’s good Please reassure me I’m feeling the drain Something so much that it’s hard for my heart to contain
18.
Water's Cool 01:57
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People used to swim here Now they’re not allowed Let’s jump in anyway And attract a crowd Watch me, I can love you so good Water’s cool, babe Such a healing thing No going back now When I tackle you in Watch me, I can love you so good You slipped my mind a second there But you’re coming back to me Soaking wet and furious And charging like a battery Beaming underwater As the laughter is shocked out of me Hidden it for so long, honey Now I want to world to see Might have lost the plot here But I’m begging you to stay Or if you like, I’ll follow If you think that that’s okay Let’s drive til we run out of road Let’s run away Just watch me, I can love you so good
19.
I Don't Kill Ants 04:14
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At last, I can put it all in the past Or better yet, I could make myself forget And I might not mean it, but I always say thanks And I might be wrong when I fill the blanks And I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants So like it or not, I fight the fear Yeah, like it or not, I’m here, I’m here, Knee deep in the muddy banks I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants Come here, it’s been a rough old year Settle in, to the place where you and I begin And I might not mean it, but I always say thanks And I might be wrong when I fill the blanks And I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants So like it or not, I fight the fear Yeah, like it or not, I’m here, I’m here, Knee deep in the muddy banks I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants Us two, we got some catching up to do Better yet, let’s stay and watch the whole world set I think you mean it when you say please We’re not quite there but we’re planting seeds And you never kill ants when you pull weeds So like it or not, you’re pulling through Yeah, like it or not, love, I am too Knee deep in the muddy banks Pulling weeds with cautious hands And I might not mean it, but I always say thanks And I might be wrong when I fill the blanks And I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants So like it or not, I fight the fear Yeah, like it or not, I’m here, I’m here, Knee deep in the muddy banks I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants I pull weeds but I don’t kill ants.

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A collection of demos I recorded in 2019, ranging from one-take clips to multi-tracked tunes, on broken guitars and in various half-assed stages. I hope they tell a story that you enjoy.

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released April 22, 2020

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Rowan Lewis UK

I'm a 20-something songwriter from the UK. These are the things I record in my living room.

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