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human, therefore no

by Rowan Lewis

/
1.
Safety 03:11
There’s no light in your face, Usually there’s a trace, Of deep thought, fear set free, But now you’re just empty, There’s no light in your eyes, Since you fell from the sky, How can I carry on With this life that you brought me back from? There is blood, to my despair, Lifeless fingers, cold stare, You and I were a pair, Running solo again, I have grasped onto life, I’m not going back this time, Why didn’t you tell me, And why did you die? Nothing felt worse that looking at your handprints on the stone, Nothing’s replaced your presence in this battle I fight alone. I rage a tempest on the leads which turn up nothing, I’ve lost you and my way, but one day I’ll get something From this silly little life, and hey, you brought safety to mine, But you left, and I don’t want safety, Yet you’ve probably managed to save me. One man who thought he knew, A way to always get through, Playing tricks on the mind, Thought that he’d won this time, A man taken by the storm, Isn’t that man anymore, He’s roaming corridors and lies in wait for us all. You left the clues, you signed yourself in red upon the floor I chased it up, not fast enough, now what the hell am I fighting for? I rage a tempest on the leads which turn up nothing, I’ve lost you and my way, but one day I’ll get something From this silly little life, and hey, you brought safety to mine, But you left, and I don’t want safety, Yet you’ve probably managed to save me. Being held back from you, A different dimension, too, Play it back, but the truth Is that you’ll never really move again. Isolation means I’ve started to freeze, I stand, a solitary figure with the keys, To cars, computers, and denial, but not the resolution I require But you left, and I feel like I betrayed you. And I’ll never get a chance to save you.
2.
I thought That I was going to find you and not know what to say I thought That we’d be shaken up and broken, but we’d be okay Like glass in a box In the backseat of a car We’ve smashed open And lost important parts I can’t put myself back together Because I’ve lost the shards I’m not sure what can fill the gap That losing you made large Do I Still try to find you, when I know that you’ve gone? Do I live and run and carry on, from what I couldn’t salvage you from? Like vases in the light Standing empty and opaque Used to be clear, but A thin film of dust will take Any transparency Showing who we used to be Can I travel back to then So you won’t ever leave? I thought That you were most important, but you weren’t even mine I thought That those who kept me from you were better left behind But I’ve made mistakes And I don’t know if they can be undone I wonder if forgiveness Is something I can rerun On a screen showing you and I And that horrible look in your eyes -- Like fragmented glass, You have to be handled with care We’ve smashed open Certainly beyond repair. I thought And nowadays I tend not to think
3.
Anchoring 03:49
There was a time when I wanted to stop, but I drew somebody in And now they're drifting somewhere whilst I drift amongst my sin I never meant to cause harm, only wanted simple truth But now I must continue on, and see this whole thing through. Another year has raged on but it's deeper than I thought Time has passed in puzzles or a circle which has caught another Lonely boy, then a lonely man, I wish I could help more But we just end up hysterical, on a burnt, abandoned floor. Change another tape, checking out again Hit the road the same night, Jay, you'll stop running one day Tim's the only thing, anchoring me here I'm not giving in just yet, my dear I haven't given in just yet. I wanted to help, I badly did, but all those days are gone And now my only mission is to somehow carry on I tape another failure and I film into the night I'm fueled by paranoia and the shadows in the corner of my eye. Trying to escape, getting out again Hit the road the same night, Jay, you'll stop running one day Tim's the only thing, anchoring me here I'm not giving in just yet, my dear I haven't given in just yet. I take your hand, say we've got to go, I never would have stopped, But you told me to run and I can't tell if you are giving up I thought I'd lost my only friend and didn't have a say, That despair was overshadowed, when I watched you drive away. Change another tape, checking out again Hit the road the same night, Jay, you'll stop running one day Jessica's the same, I'll find her someday Hope is far away right now, but I think I'll be okay Break another code, set your camera mode, Viewing what the answer showed, and I see but I don't know Crippled by the fear, of another year Thinking about everything that's anchoring me here I haven't given in just yet. I haven't given in just yet.
4.
Well you said, there's a lot to be thankful for As I watched from the passenger door You've lost weight, your eyes are rimmed beautiful red But we're thankful, like you said. So I can't help seeing, and I can't help feeling And I can't help trying not to be too revealing When the walls are up I am out of reach But when they're down I use someone else's speech. You're not broken, just a little bit chipped round the edge Solid enough, but should be handled with care And you're charming, almost too much for your own good Flash a sad smile like I knew you should. Because I can't help seeing, and I can't help feeling And I can't help trying not to be too revealing We'll get onto each other, know what makes the other Keep fighting back. We both know to apologise For not being a part of our own lives This shouldn't be what will define Everything we leave behind Sometimes, however, that's how things end When you risk almost everything To protect your mask To protect someone you love. Well you said, there's a lot to be sorry for Hiding secrets, no more. And we both keep, having nightmares and waking up cold Let’s pretend we have it under control. You’re better at planning, you’re more of a man Braver than I’ll ever be, or already am The things you went through without me are plastered online I can’t help seeing them over, and over. We both know to apologise For not being a part of our own lives This shouldn't be what will define Everything we leave behind Sometimes, however, that's how things end When you risk almost everything To protect your mask To protect someone you love. Well you said, there's a lot to be thankful for As I watched from the passenger door I can't help seeing, and I can't help feeling.
5.
Get Me 04:02
We’ve come so far We don’t even know who we are Nothing’s keeping you sane. Even the light Isn’t making this mess look right Everybody else has been blamed. Watching home videos that don’t seem real All from a time when you could actually feel Something other loneliness and fear- Just you get me, Because I’m not sure I’m living true Because of you I’m a stranger to myself And you’re somebody else. Plug me in I’m static like a dead TV screen Tell whoever’s left that I’m just resting. Who have I become? I’m still old enough to die young, Let this stranger have their death wish. Tall and dark with a featureless face Being in the woods is like struggling in space, You scream but nobody else can hear- Just you get me, Because I’m not sure I’m living true Because of you I’m a stranger to myself And you’re somebody else. No eyes, can’t try To even begin to die Masked man, director, tape collector Which of us is worth protecting? We’ve all lost, we carry on, yet We all seem to be marionettes In something beyond a college film If I pass on, then it’s a mercy kill. I’ve learnt how to travel alone, and when I’m faced with you I’ll laugh in your face. Just you get me, Because I’m not sure I’m living true Because of you I’m a stranger to myself And you’re somebody else. Just you get me, Because I’m not sure I’m living true Because of you I’m a stranger to myself And you’re somebody else.
6.
A long ride ahead, isn’t so nice with one Oh, I’ve left you behind, not sure what I should be saving you from. And life’s never fair, not for me, anyway, Lost all that can fix me, or else I would be back over there Because you and I were a good team, Whilst it lasted. You’ve become too much of who I used to be Except I still want you around, and no-one’s ever wanted me. You fit, but you never quit, It was safer whilst it lasted. (The both of us) Just two madmen and a flashlight (The both of us) Were doomed from the very beginning (The both of us) Never really had hopes of winning. (The both of us) Just two madmen and a flashlight (The both of us) Needed something to grab onto (The both of us) I never got that voice message from you.
7.
I have severed all my ties, oh I have taken to the skies Hear the crack as I surpass the speed of sound Feel the lurch of fear and freedom, hope To god that I’m not leaving But there’s nothing I can hope to cling to now, oh. Years and years of nearer misses Regurgitating useless wishes Leave a bitter taste, on the tip of my tongue It is fitting I should fly, when I have lived a lonely lie, Derelict school walls; never learned my lesson. Have you given up? Have you had enough? Crawling in the dust, little bird, bloodied feathers, eyes blurred Mad but meaning well, raised a little hell Checking out, checking out, checking out- And I wish you well. Tapes are plastic, cold, and impressionable, They are small, and hardly durable My B-side is about to run out. Had my casing ripped apart, a rewound head A broken heart, She’s long gone, and he’s moved on, I can understand that. (Have you given up? Have you had enough?) Have you given up? Have you had enough? Crawling in the dust, little bird, bloodied feathers, eyes blurred Cutting Tim free, he can’t trust me Jessica got out early, to a certain degree, Break another bone, losing thoughts of home, Wish you could have called your house so you didn’t fly alone After all this time, you still haven’t cried I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die – Checking out, checking out, checking out- And I wish you well. Checking out, checking out, checking out- And I wish you well. Checking out, checking out, checking out- Saying my farewell.

about

A sequel of sorts to 'soundiseverything'. Recorded from 2014 to 2015.

For Ollie, Micah, Marissa, and Dani. You're good friends.

An album about mortality, loss, trying to find hope (in places where it's all too rare), and losing friends. Also a terrifying, faceless nightmare creature.

Three bonus tracks when you download the full album B)

credits

released October 2, 2015

Music, lyrics, recording, and editing by Rowan Lewis.
The wonderful album cover art was designed by Micah!

Inspired by Marble Hornets, again, so a big thank you to Troy Wagner, Joseph DeLage, Tim Sutton, and everyone involved. You can support them at ww.thac.tv.
Additional shout out to the "#marble hornets" tag on tumblr!

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Rowan Lewis UK

I'm a 20-something songwriter from the UK. These are the things I record in my living room.

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